X-Cellent (2nd series) #2

The Zeithouse, the lab:
Zeitgeist threatens young engineer Max, saying he has thirty seconds to convince him he shouldn’t kill him. After all, he has the Digital Man, referring to the red robot Max invented. What does he need Max for? He created Dox (his nickname for the Digital Man), Max stammers, after the term to gather intel and identify any individual on the internet, usually with malicious intent.

Zeitgeist interrupts, saying he may be getting old, but he knows what doxing is. Fifteen more seconds. Max claims that to get the most out of Dox, he will need him.

Zeitgeist addresses Dox directly and asks if Max is needed to operate him. Max asks him to remember he is his father. Dox apologizes but he cannot lie and can operate perfectly well without Max. Zeitgeist thanks him, then kills Max.

Meanwhile at X-Statix HQ, the ailing Vivisector reads another of his obituaries (after his seeming death), this time from the New Yorker. Mr. Sensitive jokes that he seems to enjoy this. Myles, however, still feels uneasy about the subterfuge. Mr. Sensitive asks their journalist ally, Girl Joe, what their rep is like. Girl Joe informs him that Myles’ death and Katie and Mike’s interracial love affair have really caught the mood of the nation. People are loving X-Statix, plus sales of Myles’ novel are through the roof!

Myles sighs, he just wishes he could tell his husband Fenton the truth. Guy stresses that no one can know, until they have beaten Zeitgeist.

They are interrupted by the arrival of Katie and Mike. Guy admonishes them that they were supposed to be at the gala five minutes ago to show people how in love they are. Katie replies they can’t. Annoyed, Guy points out that they were in love a few days ago. How hard can it be to pretend?

The youngsters insist that’s what makes it so hard. Changing his tactics, Guy assures them, he believes they can do it. It’s something way beyond what their parents Edie Sawyer and Tike Alicar would have been capable of. That intrigues the youngsters. And so soon the two teleport to the gala and play at being in love, to the reporters’ and crowd’s pleasure.

Guy watches the show on his phone. Pleased, he states they have almost convinced him they are in love. So why the unease? Doop asks him. He knows he is sensitive, Guy replies defensively. Yes. He had mentioned it, is Doop’s caustic reply. Sarcasm doesn’t suit him, Guy criticizes. Things are going well, he muses. X-Statix are stealing followers from X-cellent… but all his sensitive strings are thrumming. Which usually means something bad is going to happen…

Myles, in the meantime, has secretly phoned his husband Fenton to inform him he is alive. When Myles explains that they are doing this to raise their popularity, Fenton calls him a heartless monster. He loves him too, Myles sighs.

Back at the Zeithouse, Dox connects to the internet while Zeitgeist watches impatiently. Zeitgeist has a meltdown because his meat substitute is lukewarm and threatens the butler’s life.

Mirror Girl asks if he isn’t overreacting, and he threatens her life too. Dox suddenly shouts out. He has found something very interesting about Zeitgeist. How did he manage to keep that out of the news? Zeitgeist order him to focus on X-Statix.

At the gala, Katie and Mike are mingling separately, while sending each other text messages. Both are still hung up on their kiss. They decide they were premature in breaking up.

When they’ve returned home, Mike suggests that they take a walk on a beach in Santa Monica. Could they pretend to kiss again? she asks playfully. Mike leans down to her, then gets hit by an apple. A crowd has gathered calling them fake and frauds, and they realize the info about their fake relationship got out somehow.

Back at the HQ, Girl Joe sees an article announcing the couple as fake, and informs Guy they’ve been doxed. Guy protests that all their emails and data have deep encryption created by Doop himself, but is told someone has gone through them and has been digging through their dirty laundry.

Cue for the unhappy couple to arrive and tell Guy this was a terrible idea.

Girl Joe adds that they are calling Myles’s death a cheap publicity stunt. Any other secrets they’d rather people didn’t’ know about? Guy begins to feel sick.

At the Zeithouse, Zeitgeist kills the butler for the food being too hot. Dox assures him that he has enough material to keep the media busy for weeks…

Watching this, Mirror Girl and Toodle Pip are sickened. He is getting worse, Mirror Girl laments. Toodle Pip deadpans, he is under a lot of pressure. Captain America is under a lot of pressure, Jenny retorts. She bets, he doesn’t slaughter the Avengers’ kitchen staff. If Zeitgeist is like this now, think how he will be when he is transformed into a god?

An hour later, X-Statix get a surprise call, in which Zeitgeist calls them small and insignificant fleas whom he will crush whenever he pleases. Guy and Girl Joe accuse him of being mentally sick. Zeitgeist points to their recent PR disasters. Guy retorts their PR people are already working on that. In a few days, everybody will be talking about something else. He could be right, Zeitgeist smirks. Maybe they will be taking about Mr. Sensitive’s use of white privilege to further his career.

Guy stammers he doesn’t know what he is talking about. Zeitgeist discloses with a grin that Smith was made leader of the team (X-Force at the time) even though Tike Alicar had seniority and was better qualified. There’s a name for that. And it isn’t pretty. Face it, they’ll be tearing down his statues and burn the Mr. Sensitive cuddly toys. He hints at the secrets of the other members. And he supposes Zeitgeist expects him to beg not to disclose all their dirty secrets? Guy asks. No, he expects them to party, Zeitgeist replies.

And so, the team find soon themselves at what The A describes as a B-list party. Guy explains it is just until he finds out how Zeitgeist digs up dirt about them and what to do about it

Phatty shudders that they’ve really hit rock bottom. She thinks she sees Gambit! Guy tells her just to not be photographed with him. Where’s Myles? Katie explains, he is not ready to be seen in public. Last she saw him, he was doing some research.

Indeed, he is researching how famous authors committed suicide. Not aware of that, Guy figures it’s healthy he is working again. They wonder why Zeitgeist wants them here.

The X-cellent, in the meantime, are taking Manhattan. They have already caused a pile-up on the highway and Zeitgeist tells each member which aspect of the city to focus on. Hurt John and Mirror Girl are to chase the cops away by hitting them with awful truths about their lives. Uno attacks the movie theaters. Zeitgeist orders Toodle Pip to keep ready to get them out.

Bradley Anger reports from Times Square, wondering if this is a politically astute strike against consumerist society in late stage capitalism or simply wanton destruction. And more to the point, where the hell are X-Statix? His colleague Dinah reveals X-Statix are at a low rent gala, sharing the spotlight with C-listers like Speedball and Wonder Man. And they seem happy to party the night away, while the rest of America burns!

Katie grimly announces they are leaching followers to Zeitgeist. If they fight him, he’ll publish the dirt on them he dug up. Guy replies let them publish it, Rosa Lemper announces. She is not afraid. Neither is Dead Girl. Can they all be so sure? Guy asks. Who among them hasn’t done anything they are ashamed of?

At the Zeithouse, Mirror Girl looks at her angry mirror image. In a rare show of solicitude, Zeitgeist asks if she is alright. She supposes he is going to criticize her performance at Times Square. Instead, he praises her work. Jenny whispers to Toodle Pip that he seems changed. Toodle Pip warns her it’s just because he is within touching distance of becoming a god. Jenny wonders if maybe he hasn’t changed after all and Toodle Pip warns, the moment he isn’t a total rat to her, she immediately thinks he is Mr. Wonderful. They become silent when they notice Dox nearby, who is giving them the creeps.

Dox addresses them and announces he wishes to blackmail them. He has shameful career-ending secrets about both of them he will reveal, unless they kill Zeitgeist. He murdered Max, his father. Kill him and he will destroy the information on them. They have one day.

Bloody hell! Toodle Pip summarizes their situation.