A+X #5

“Holy *%&^!” Iron Fist shouts as he lights a match, igniting Doop’s burp, setting an orange monster ablaze!

Lets back up a hair.

A Zippy Pie delivery boy rings the bell at Avengers Tower, claiming to have a pizza for Iron Fist. Wolverine answers the intercom and tells the boy that no one ordered a pizza. When asked whether or not he’s going to pay, Wolverine asks him for the time on the receipt. The delivery boy claims that you can’t take Zippy Pies advertising slogan, “Thirty Minutes or It’s Free,” seriously and that traffic and horses with guns held him up. Wolverine tells him to leave the pizza by the door and hangs up. Furious that he didn’t even get a tip, the delivery boy smashes the light above the entrance before leaving.

Let’s back up maybe a little bit more.

Thirty minutes ago, Doop stands in a phone booth, ordering a pizza. While he tries to decide between thin crust or stuffed and the size of the pie, Iron Fist stands outside, eyeing a Zippy Pie restaurant across the street.

Doop hangs up the phone and tells him that arrangements are set and they’re ready to go. Iron Fist is hesitant and questions Doop’s “sources.” Doop assumes that Iron Fist is still upset over a failed operation back in Rangoon. Iron Fist corrects him, saying that it was in Laos, and admits that he hasn’t forgot about how that incident that involved girls pretending to be fraternal quadruplets turned out.

Doop pulls out a giant machine gun from his “purse,” which turns out to be the bag of Shaman of Alpha Flight. Iron Fist is shocked that Doop has borrowed an object of such cultural significance but Doop assures him that it’s all for the arrangement.

The two burst into the empty pizza place and the lone employee tells them the shop is closed. Seeing with whom he’s dealing, the Zippy Pie employee pulls out a shark-adorned gun on them but is quickly subdued by Iron Fist, using a kick known as the “Mary Lou Retton.” Iron Fist grabs some free matches as Doop throws the worker out the window. Despite Iron Fist’s warnings, Doop downs a jar of pickles before the duo head towards the backroom.

Breaking down the door with a “Pilated Woodpecker” kick, Iron Fist discovers a poker game being played by a large guy in a suit, a man dressed as a pirate and a girl with metal legs, also in pirate attire. Iron Fist takes down the armed men with moves such as “The La Paz Handshake” and the “Number 6 Extra Chicken.”

Meanwhile, Doop finds a glowing gold ball that was being included in the stakes of the poker game and greets it as his friend. Before he is able to do anything with it, Doop is attacked from behind and tosses the ball to Iron Fist, where it gets lodged in his throat.

Choking on the ball, Iron Fist finishes off the big-armed guy with a “Grade 9 Physics Club” to the neck. After Iron Fist swallows the ball, the “pirate man” holds a grenade and demands that the “monster ball” be returned to him in two seconds or he sets it off. Iron Fist reaches for the grenade but before he catches it, Doop swallows him whole.

Donning a wig and a dress, Iron Fist lands in the strange recesses of Doop’s infinite body space. He tosses the grenade out of Doop’s body as his outfit changes into a traditional matador’s costume. He is confronted by a monkey in knight’s armor and a bear in Russian garb, who shout at him, telling him about “perfect nonsense.” Dolls fall from the sky and a giant blimp passes by with the words Iron Fist says to Doop, “You’re going to regret this!” plastered on it. His surroundings seem to crumble and Nikolai Gogoli warms him that there is no escape as Iron Fist calls out to Doop for help.

Back at Zippys, the place is destroyed from the grenade blast. Unsure of what to do, Doop hops into Shaman’s bag and slides it into a pizza box. The delivery boy seen earlier, comes into the shop and picks the box up, unphased by the shop’s destruction. He reads the destination, Avengers Tower, checks his watch, and leaves.

Back to when the pizza guy left.

A raccoon curiously inspects the pizza box left at Avengers Tower until Doop pops out of Shaman’s bag and scares him off. Plagued by an upset stomach, he throws up Iron Fist and then pats him on the back, causing Iron Fist to cough up the gold monster ball and send it flying into the trees. With the lights out, Iron Fist whips out matches to help them find the gold ball, just as Doop lets out a huge burp.

Moments later, Iron Fist is holding a big, orange monster back as he tries to attack Doop for setting him on fire. After the monster calms down, Doop embraces his old friend, saying they have not seen each other since they worked for Fury together in Saigon.

Doop is proud of another successful mission but Iron Fist is less than amused and claims he’s hungry. Doop offers him some pickles, to which Iron Fist firmly says no, after seeing what they did to him.