Uncanny Avengers (3rd series) #13

Issue Date: 
October 2016
Story Title: 
Don't Do The Crime

Gerry Duggan (writer), Ryan Stegman (artist) Richard Isanove (colorist), Virtual Calligraphy's Clayton Cowles (letterer), Ryan Stegman & Richard Isanove (cover artists), Adam Hughes (variant cover artist), Alanna Smith (assistant editor), Tom Breevort & Daniel Ketchum (editors), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (executive producer)

Avengers created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby

Brief Description: 

Deadpool witnesses the death of Bruce Banner by Hawkeye during the current superhuman war. After Hawkeye is taken into custody, Deadpool works on a plan to get to the prison, breaking in, he makes his way through the facility and finds Hawkeye's cell. He offers Hawkeye some cash and a passport with a new identity. Hawkeye is prepared to leave with Deadpool, but changes his mind, deciding to take his chances in court. Deadpool tells Hawkeye that he is making a mistake, before Hawkeye asks him if he ever regrets taking a shot. Deadpool admits that he does, but assures Hawkeye that it gets better, that the first kill is always the hardest. Deadpool gives Hawkeye some more advice, before they shake hands as Deadpool prepares to leave. The guards arrive on scene, but Deadpool evades them, and Hawkeye remains in his cell. Captain America meets with Medusa in New Attilan, where Medusa informs him that Ulysses has information about a problem one of the Unity Squad will cause. Cap assumes it to be Deadpool, but Ulysses reveals that it is Cable – that the son of Cyclops does not belong here. Ulysses has a vision of Cable surrounded by the dead, and tells Captain America that Cable is keeping the wrong company. Medusa asks Cap if there is a problem he needs help with, but Cap tells Medusa that he will take care of it. Captain America finds Cable about to board a plane. Cable claims he is heading on vacation and tells Cap that they can talk about the future when he returns. Captain America warns Cable that if  he is going on some caper that will bring the Unity Squad into trouble, then this is his problem, too, and reveals that Ulysses had a vision about him. Cable isn't interested in what the Inhuman saw, and boards the plane while wondering if it was time he started working solo again. Cap lets Cable leave, unaware that on the plane Rogue is waiting for Cable. The two are planning on finding a cure for the Terrigen poisoning and Cable asks Rogue how she is feeling. Rogue informs him that it has been a rough week. Cable and Rogue then turn to another part of the plane where some guests of theirs are waiting – Sebastian Shaw and the Toad!


Full Summary: 


A few dozen super heroes are gathered, including Captain America, Spider-Man, Medusa, Deadpool and even Tony Stark is there – everyone looking at Bruce Banner. Deadpool is wondering why everyone is yelling at Banner – because that has never worked out well for anyone. But before he can make a joke about Banner killing one of them – one of them kills Banner, an arrow to his head, he falls backward, a spray of blood washing over him. 'Banner does the worst Steve Martin impression!' Deadpool jokes, but he doesn't think anyone heard – or perhaps everyone is getting better at ignoring him. Deadpool looks up to a tree: 'I'm afraid I can't allow anyone to leave that tree! One of you is – a murderer!' Deadpool calls out as other heroes turn to the tree, too. Clint Barton – Hawkeye – can be seen in the tree, bow and arrow at the ready. Deadpool admits to himself that he didn't think Hawkeye had it in him.

As Beast and Maria Hill apprehend Hawkeye and lead him away from the others, Deadpool calls out 'Hey, Clint! What are they arresting you for – one count of “living the dream”?' Deadpool realizes that he probably isn't helping, just before Hawkeye mutters 'Not helping'. 'Yep. I totally called it' Deadpool thinks to himself.

Deadpool knows that Hawkeye takes his first murder beef like an old pro – after being placed in jail, he lawyers up and shuts up, before appearing in front of a judge. Deadpool meets with Kate Bishop, who he calls the non-murdery Hawkeye, and they discuss hypotheticals, before he meets with a “friend” of theirs who is kind of the city's most elusive travel agent.


Shortly, an aircraft soars through the air, over an island prison, where large, bright lights shine up into the sky. As Deadpool leaps from the back of the plane, he thinks that half of those present were Banner's friends, the other half were white hats that were mortified their side just murdered a founding member – which makes Barton a pariah to everyone in spandex. And Deadpool knows what that is like. He land on top of the prison facility, behind one of the large lamps that shine bright light upwards. Deadpool knows that he could have badged his way into the prison with his Avengers ID card – if talking to Clint was his only goal. He sprays some acid on the parachute that he used to drop down onto the prison, and the parachute dissolves.

Deadpool knows that this facility is called the Cellar and that it houses some of the most dangerous criminals in the world. A guard notices something behind the lamp and walks towards Deadpool, who raises a hand and knocks the guard out. Deadpool thinks that he figured he would have to break out of here one day. But today, he is breaking in. He has a million questions for Hawkeye – the first being “why” but tells himself that can wait, as he is on a tight clock – he has to get in and out and not let anybody see him. Deadpool uses the acid to dissolve a lock and enters the prison facility, walking down a flight of steps, he waits for an elevator – but when the elevator opens, a guard is inside it. 'Uh – Deadpool?' the guard asks. Deadpool responds by punching the guard in the face, knocking him out. 'Slight correction: Nobody will see me for very long' Deadpool thinks to himself. As the elevator goes down, then opens on another level, Deadpool pokes his head out and sees a large guard down the corridor, blowing a bubble with some bubblegum.

Deadpool decides that he is kind of screwing this up, and knows that if he gets caught here, he isn't going to help Hawkeye. He goes up behind the other guard and chokes him, causing the guard to spit out his bubblegum, Deadpool takes the keys from the guard, who drops to the floor. 'Although “Hawkeye & Deadpool vs Jail” has a nice ring to it, yeah?' Deadpool decides. Deadpool then unlocks a door with the stolen keys, 'I'm here fer ya turndown service' he jokes as he stands in the doorway of Clint Barton's sparse, dank cell. 'What are you doing here, Deadpool?' Hawkeye asks, looking up from the basic bed where he sits, slumped agianst the wall. 'I'm here on behalf of the Green Lives Matter Movement' Deadpool jokes, to which Hawkeye tells him that he shouldn't be here. 'That's rich, Clint. You used to say jail was the only place I belonged. But look at us now' Deadpool remarks. 'So you're here to gloat?' Hawkeye snaps. Arms folded, Deadpool informs Clint that he is here to srping him – which isn't a euphemism.

'Seriously?' Hawkeye asks. Deadpool tells him to quit stalling and that they have two minutes to get to the Zodiac boat, adding that he even hired that Zodiac killer to pilot it. 'Let's go!' he exclaims. Hawkeye stands up and tells Deadpool that he appreciates the thought, but points out that he was already famous before this. 'How do you expect me to just walk out of here and -' he starts to say, to which Deadpool interrupts him, telling Hawkeye that he is not as famous as he thinks he is, and that he has already taken care of his walking papers. Deadpool throws a pouch at Hawkeye, hitting him in the face, and informs him that this is his closet to Narnia. Deadpool tells Hawkeye that there is some walking around money and a clean passport with a new identity. Clint opens the pouch and looks inside it at the money and passport.

'Wade...' Hawkeye begins, to which Deadpool puts a hand on Hawkeye's shoulder and informs him that he asked his guy not to tell him Clint's new identity, as there is a sneaky Inhuman lie detector on his Avengers squad, so the less he knows the better. 'That's like my family motto' Deadpool adds, before looking out the cell and seeing that the coast is clear. 'You coming?' Deadpool asks, turning back to Hawkeye who is standing in the doorway. 'No' Clint replies, hurling the pouch back at Deadpool, it hits him in the face, and Hawkeye announces that he will take his chances in court. Deadpool tells Hawkeye that he is making a mistake. Hawkeye scowls at Deadpool, before returning to his cell and sitting on the bed. 'I used to hate you. Hated your body count. Now I get it' Clint utters, hanging his head. Deadpool stands in the doorway and Clint looks up at him, 'You were just making the hard choices that most of us never had to' Hawkeye realizes, before asking Deadpool  if he ever regrets taking a shot.

'Sometimes' Deadpool responds, before remarking that he does have some good news. 'What's that?' Clint asks without looking up. 'It gets better. Your first kill is always  the hardest' Deadpool announces. 'WHAT?' Clint exclaims, looking up. Deadpool assures Clint that as he keeps killing, it will get easier. 'Every new body you drop lands a little quieter. You'll go from sleepless nights – to sleeping like a baby' Deadpool adds, before telling Clint not to give up, and that he will be the new Punisher in now time. 'HA-HA! You glorious idiot!' Clint laughs. Deadpool then slams the cell door closed and tells Clint that laughing after murder always makes a murderer feel better. He then calls Clint “Andy Dufresne” and tells him that he isn't going to wait on a Mexican beach for him, as he has better things to do. 'See you in twenty-five to life' Deadpool declares. Clint gets to his feet and thanks Wade. 'Sorry, Clint' Deadpool replies. 'Yeah. Me too' Clint remarks, before putting his arm through the bars of the cell door and shaking Deadpool's hand.

'I'll keep the envelope safe. My offer stands indefinitely' Deadpool replies, before asking Clint if he has any messages for Kate bishop. 'Tell her...' Clint begins, hanging his head – when suddenly, a voice shouts 'Man down over here!' as a guard comes across the guard that Deadpool took down earlier. The guard looks up, and sees the corridor empty. The guard walks down to Hawkeye's cell and reports over his walkie-talkie that sector eight is clear, that Barton is secure. Hawkeye lies down on his bed, puts his hands behind his head and stares up.

At that moment, Deadpool swims through the darkened water surrounding the prison, the beams of prison security lights cutting through the night sky above him. 'Where's the package?' the driver waiting on the small boat nearby asks as Deadpool climbs aboard. 'The extraction is aborted' Deadpool announces, instructing the driver to get him home.

24 hours ago:

New Attilan, where Queen Medusa tells Captain America that he has a serious problem brewing with an Avenger. She adds that she appreciates him coming to New Attilan to discuss the matter. Walking alongside Medusa down a corridor, Steve Rogers turns to Medusa and remarks that he isn't sure he had a choice from the sound of her message. Medusa reports that Ulysses has had another vision of what is to come, and there is a big problem with at least one member of the Unity Squad. 'Let me guess' Captain America remarks, but as Medusa opens a door to a room where Ulysses is sitting on a chair, the new Inhuman announces that it is not Deadpool. Captain America asks Ulysses who he is talking about, to which Ulysses replies 'The Children of the Atom... will wage a war. The son of Cyclops doesn't belong here'. Ulysses has a vision of Cable using massive weapons and slaughtering countless lives. Ulysses looks up at Captain America and informs him that Cable is keeping the wrong company right now, adding that his team isn't very honest with each other. Medusa turns to Captain America and asks him if he has a problem he needs help with. Frowning, Cap turns and walks away, assuring Medusa that nobody is going to war, and that he will handle it.

The rain beats down as Captain America follows Cable towards an aircraft, several soldiers standing nearby. Cable apologizes to Cap and tells him that he has had this trip planned for a while, and asks Cap if he wants him to talk to Deadpool. 'Funny. I had the same thought. I can talk to Wade, if I want' Cap replies, before announcing that he is here to talk to Cable, revealing that the new Inhuman foresaw that Cable was his next headache. 'Well, you're catching me just before my vacation' Cable responds. 'We're running late at the moment, so if you'll get the hell out of my way' Cable declares, before suggesting that they grab a bite when he is back in town and they can talk about who knows what about the future. 'What's that supposed to mean?' Cap asks, blocking Cable's access to the aircraft. Cap instructs Cable to be direct, and asks him who else is on the plane. 'Wherever Cable goes, I follow. We are a team' the artificial intelligence called Belle states from where an icon is placed on Cable's shoulder.

'Speaking of the company we keep, who are your friends, Captain? You haven't introduced me to them' Cable declares, staring at cap, who explains that they are law enforcement. 'Well, I haven't broken any laws' Cable points out. 'Yet' Cap tells him as the rain continues to beat down. Cap then tells Cable that if he is off on some caper that is going to have blowback for the Unity Squad, that makes his transgressions a problem for him. 'I don't care what the Inhuman precog puked up' Cable snarls, shoving Cap aside. 'Ulysses saw you start a war!' Cap exclaims, to which Cable boasts that he doesn't start wars – he finishes them. Cable climbs aboard the aircraft and suggests that maybe it is time he became a solo act again. 'See you around' he calls back to Cap, while one of the soldiers asks what their orders are. 'Let him go' Cap tells them.

Inside the plane, 'You really gonna throw down, Cap?' Cable asks, looking out the window as the soldiers lower their weapons. 'This is making me nervous' a voice calls out. Cable looks up and sees Rogue appear from behind a curtain. 'I thought we were gonna be stealthy' Rogue reminds Cable, who mutters that he thought he would grow old and still have both his arms – so they gotta roll with the punches. He then asks her if everybody is ready back there. Rogue doesn't respond, instead she asks what Cap's beef is. Cable reveals that the Inhuman precog saw him breaking some heads and some laws, so perhaps they are on the right path. 'Or maybe we're about to burn what little goodwill we have Captain Freakin' America' Rogue replies. Cable tells her that if they find a cure for the Terrigen poisoning, it will be worth it. 'No arguing that' Rogue agrees as they “fist bump” each other.

Cable asks Rogue how her skin is doing, to which Rogue reports that it has been a rough week. 'You up for this?' Cable enquires. Rogue confirms that she is, before Cable stands up and opens the curtain to the other area of the aircraft. 'All right, mutants! Last chance to get off this plane before we fly into a literal and proverbial storm' Cable announces. Behind the curtain are Sebastian Shaw and the Toad, who is crouched on the ground, drooling, as he boasts that if there is a cure for the Inhuman plague that has been hidden from them, then not even Captain America could drag him off this plane. 'Tell me...does this make us X-Men?' Shaw asks. 'Hell no' Rogue responds, while Cable tells Shaw that they should hope his information is correct, before instructing everyone to strap in....


Characters Involved: 

Captain America, Deadpool, Rogue (all Avengers Unity Squad)







Sebastian Shaw






in vision:



in flashback images:

Captain America, Deadpool, Human Torch II

Karnak, Lockjaw, Medusa, Ulysses


Bruce Banner

Hawkeye III

Beast, Black Panther, Captain America VII, Captain Marvel VI, Colossus, Ms Marvel IV, Nightcrawler, Nova III, Old Man Logan, Spider-Man, Spider-Man VII, Tony Stark, Storm, Thor IV, X-23

Maria Hill

SHIELD agents

Judge and other court staff


Story Notes: 

This issue ties into the Civil War II event.

Hawkeye shot and killed Bruce Banner in Civil War II #3.

Deadpool refers to a sneaky lie detector Inhuman on his Avengers team, this being Synapse.

Deadpool calls Hawkeye “Andy Dufresne”, who is a wrongly-accused prisoner in the Stephen King story and film “The Shawshank Redemption

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