Deadpool Family #1

Issue Date: 
June 2011
Story Title: 
1st story) – Show and Raise Hell; (2nd story) – Shlock Therapy; (3rd story) – Dogpool vs Void Mutt; (4th story) – Garden State Slaughter

Jason Pearson (Cover Artist)
(1st story) Cullen Bunn (Writer), Dominike Stanton (Penciler), Robert Campanella (Inker), John Rauch (Colorist), Jeff Eckleberry (Letterer), Sebastian Girner (Assistant Editor), Axel Alonso (Editor-in-Chief)
(2nd story) Mary HK Choi (Writer), Irene Strychalski (Artist), John Rauch (Colourist), Jeff Eckleberry (Letterer), Sebastian Girner (Assistant Editor), Axel Alonso (Editor-in-Chief)
(3rd story) James Asmus (Writer), Darnell Johnson (Penciler), Robert Campanella (Inker), John Rauch (Colourist), Jeff Eckleberry (Letterer), Sebastian Girner (Assistant Editor), Axel Alonso (Editor-in-Chief)
(4th story) Jimmy Palmiotti (Writer), Liam Sharpe (Artist), Marie Javins (Colorist), Sharpefont & PT (Letterers), Sebastian Girner (Assistant Editor), Axel Alonso (Editor-in-Chief)
Special Thanks to Jack Rauch

Brief Description: 

(1st story)
Kidpool is showing off his martial arts moves to impress some neighborhood kids, but is overshadowed when another kid shows up with a box full of toy robots. Kidpool breaks into a US Army research base and steals their latest, top-of-the-line giant robot in order to regain the other kids’ attention. While he is showing off his new giant robot, the US Army arrives and orders him to surrender it. Unfortunately, Dogpool causes Kidpool to push the wrong button and his resulting actions are interpreted as an attack by the army. As the army attacks it, the robot activates its self-defense program and Kidpool is unable to regain control, so flees using an escape pod. Later, after the robot has been neutralized, Kidpool is resolving to be himself to try to make friends but, when he overhears the other kids gushing over a pet iguana, he decides to head to the Savage Land to get himself the best “lizard” he can.

(2nd story)
As a result of their incessant arguing ruining a mission and the general cohesiveness of the Deadpool Corps, Deadpool has sent Lady Deadpool and Headpool to see a therapist to sort out their issues. After some more arguing, the therapist suggests the friction between them may be the result of sexual tension, much to Headpool’s satisfaction. Lady Deadpool vehemently denies it, until finally admitting there was one night after they all got drunk where she and her inner voices considered it. Following this confession, Headpool states his requirements for the relationship, specifically that he be allowed to engage in multiple affairs and immediately tries to hit on the therapist. Lady Deadpool, warming to the idea of a polygamous scenario, is upset when the therapist flatly refuses and insults them both. The situation grows increasingly tense as the therapist pulls a gun on them before Headpool and Lady Deadpool engage in a deep kiss, with tongue. Both Lady Deadpool and the therapist violently vomit. Lady Deadpool blames the therapist for the whole thing and advances on her, sword drawn. The two exit the building after having seemingly slain the therapist to be greeted by the other members of Deadpool Corps asking how it went, before they all go for smoothies.

(3rd story)
Deadpool has been called to Avengers Tower to explain his latest screw-up. Dogpool busies himself by urinating on one of the decorative plant pots inside the tower, one that Ant-Man happened to be hiding in. Jumping out to confront Dogpool, he is instead subject to a chase, as Dogpool spies what he hopes will be his latest meal. Fleeing the kitchen, Ant-Man calls for aid, a call that is answered by Sunny, the Sentry Dog! Dogpool and Sunny engage in a superhero fight that eventually sees Dogpool launched out of Avengers Tower into the sky, all the way to Europe in fact. Finding himself over Switzerland, Dogpool deliberately crashes into the CERN Research Facility with Sunny following. As two bemused researchers look on, Dogpool fiddles with the Hadron Collider, causing an explosion that reverts Sunny back into a puppy. Preparing to take his revenge, Dogpool is confronted by a huge, black dog, who introduces himself as Void Mutt and explains that he was freed from Sunny by the explosion. Before he goes on, he announces that to say as thanks he will make Dogpool’s death slightly less excruciating. Dogpool gulps as the picture disappears into a small circle. That’s all Folks!

(4th story)
Deadpool is reflecting on his recent personal setbacks, how his apartment recently blew up and that he’s lost almost everything. He stops into a hardware store to pick up a shovel before catching a taxi to New Jersey. The ride gives him time to think and his thoughts turn to Sandee. Three years prior, he investigates the robbery of a local casino, which has taken a bounty out on the thieves. Deadpool quickly finds and kills one, recovering from his body a key to the motel where the remaining two robbers are hiding out, along with a teenage girl who does not look like she wants to be there. Deadpool kills the two robbers but, during the gun fight, a stray shot kills the girl’s mother, who by happenstance arrives just then to rescue her daughter. The girl helps the wounded Deadpool up and to her car, before driving him to another motel where he passes out. When he comes to, she has bandaged him up, seemingly without fear of his gruesome appearance. They get to talking and Deadpool learns her name is Sandee. While telling her his life story, they are interrupted by the trigger-happy robber, who had actually survived after all. He grabs Deadpool and puts the gun against his head before screaming at Sandee about how this is her fault – he’s her father. Pleading that she is sorry and that she wants to make it up to him, Sandee convinces her father to hand over his gun so she can kill Deadpool. She kills her father instead. Deadpool wraps things up, saying that the robbery from the casino was an inside job, an insurance scam. He reports the casino to the insurance agency and keeps the cash for himself. He wanted to give Sandee a second chance and checks her into a psychiatric facility in New Jersey to overcome her demons. She can’t and, a week later, he gets the call that she has ended it all. Returning to the present day, Deadpool reflects that he took care of all the arrangements and buried the rest of the money with her; it was tainted with bad memories. Now, however, he is in desperate need of some cash and, as he arrives at the cemetery where she rests, he doesn’t think she would mind.

Full Summary: 

(1st story)
In a park one day, while ordinary citizens go about their lives, half a dozen pre-teen kids are enthusiastically exclaiming over Kidpool’s martial arts moves. “That’s gotta be the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” says one. “Oh, yeah? Well, check this out!” replies Kidpool, “The Iron Tree Frog Stance… I used this one once while I was surrounded by these Super-Skrulls!” By his side sits Dogpool, scratching himself fiercely. Kidpool strikes another pose and continues, “And this one’s called the … err… the Stalking Mantis! Had to break this move out on Galactus this one time. Done properly, there is no de…”

“What’s wrong with your dog? He sure is scratching a lot!” one of the kids interrupts. “Oh, he’s fine… we just tussled with some mutant space fleas, and his healing factor hasn’t taken care of all the bites yet.” Kidpool attempts to continue “Now, let me show you exactly how I put the smackdown on Sabretooth when he started causing static…“ “Guys! Guy! Check this out!” Another kid comes running up with a huge box full of toy robots. “Look at all these awesome robots!. “Cooooool!” The kids quickly gather around the newcomer. “My uncle’s working in Japan right now, and he sent these to me for my birthday!” “Is that a Mecha-devil X? That’s totally limited edition!” one kid exclaims. “Robots are so much cooler than martial arts moves!”

Their attention now completely on the toys, all the kids rush off leaving Kidpool and Dogpool behind. “You know what else is limited edition? Awesome moves like this! The Unwavering Orangutan!” Kidpool tries – and fails – to regain their attention. Kidpool sits and sulks, “I’d like to show him what he can do with those toys! Robots are for babies, anyway… Unless…” Dogpool scratches so hard he falls over. Kidpool has a brainstorm, “C’mon Dogpool! We’ve got work to do!” “Grrrf?” is the only response.

And so…
Kidpool and Dogpool break into an undisclosed Prohibited Area, beating up the guards and sneaking around as they search for something. “All right, stay frosty! I had to dish out a lot of punishment to get our informant to sing on this one… it better be worth the trouble!” Kidpool says as he gets to work picking a door lock. Dogpool’s only response is to growl and urinate on a bound guard. Getting the door open and peering inside Kidpool can only say with awe, “Oh… it was so worth it!”

The next morning…
Kidpool is in the cockpit of whatever he found. “Let’s see… stabilisers… stealth cloaking… weapon systems… seems pretty standard to me. And everybody says video games are good for nothing!” he says as he fiddles with the buttons and pulls on the joystick. “If this doesn’t get me some hits on YouTube, nothing will!” Dogpool sits behind him eyeing up his own tail “Growf!” CHOMP!

Meanwhile the other kids are back in the park, playing with the toy robots and shouting back and forth. “This one’s got spring-loaded missiles!” “That’s nothing! This one can separate into five different vehicles!” One kid glances up into the sky. “Uh…guys?”

A shadow falls over them all as they stare intently upwards.
“YOU GUYS LIKE APPLES” Booms a voice from above as they all go slack jawed. “WELL, HOW D’YOU LIKE THESE APPLES! LEMME INTRODUCE YOU MUGS TO JET FALCHION! THAT’S “JET” AS IN FAST AND SLEEK AND “FALCHION,” WHICH IS… I DUNNO…  FRENCH OR SOMETHING!” Kidpool shouts through the mechanical speakers.

Before them stands a very large Gundam-esque, humanoid robot with the Deadpool symbol painted sloppily on its chest. Kidpool has positioned the robot with the head right in front of the sun for maximum effect.  Inside the cockpit, Kidpool is feeling very pleased with himself. “Either way… you guys like cool robots… and I’m in control of the coolest of them all!”

GRRRMM! The robot starts striking poses as Kidpool says “LEMME SHOW YOU WHAT THIS BAD-BOY CAN DO!” GGRRM! Another pose. “AND ONE OF YOU GUYS GET A VIDEO OF THIS, OKAY?” The robot leaps into the air to rapturous praise… “Sweet!” “Woo-hoo!” “Giant robots are so much cooler than toy robots!” … before landing on the collection of toy robots abandoned on the grass, crushing them completely.

Suddenly, two fighter planes fly past the Jet Falchion, very closely.

“ATTENTION!” a voice shouts out. Kidpool sits in the cockpit looking, “Who said that? I thought we were leaving the inner voices out of this story!”

Outside, an angry mustachioed man shouts into a radio. “To the terrorists who have hijacked United States super-robot designated Jet Falchion! This is General Conrad Davenport of the United States Army! I’m hereby ordering you to cease and desist your current plan of action and surrender the robot to me immediately!” The army have arrived, and they are heavily armed and they are angry. “I am authorized to use catastrophic force if you do not comply!” Jets, tanks and infantry surround the robot which puts its hands up. “Billions of tax-payers dollars be damned! I’ll blast that robot into scrap and drag whatever’s left of your charred, mutilated carcass out of the wreckage to stand trial for treason!” General Davenport continues.

Inside the robot, Kidpool is panicking, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Waita-minute! I’m no terrorist! I’m just a kid! I’m just going on a little joy ride!” The noise starts to distress Dogpool “Grrfff! Rrf! Rrf! Grrf!” as he runs around. Kidpool frantically scans the controls, “Just let me find the “Off” switch and we can just go our separate ways…” “Grrraaff!” Dogpool runs into the back of Kidpool’s command chair, sending him sprawling all over the controls with an Oof!

Jet Falchion fires its right fist smashing through concrete. “Sweet mother…” Davenport is stunned, but only for a second, before screaming his troops into action, “We have a rampage event! I repeat, we have a rampage event! I’m not going to have another one of these death machines going berserk on my watch! All units! Attack! Bring that behemoth down!” The jets start firing missiles on the robot. It evades some but takes one square on the right shoulder.

Inside the cockpit, Kidpool scans his controls furiously, “Aw, man! C’mon! How do I shut this thing –“ He is interrupted by the onboard computer “ATTACK DETECTED. SURVIVAL SEQUENCE INITIATED.” At this, Kidpool despairs. “Survival sequence? I bet that’s not good. But... but…” The robot starts returning fire, its missiles also painted with a Deadpool and crossbones. “This isn’t my fault!”

Kidpool and General Davenport come to the same conclusion at the same time, “It’s out of control!” Civilians flee as the Jet Falchion fires its laser eyebeams towards the ground, while military jets and helicopters return fire and are felled themselves. “ENGAGE RAGING FALCHION!” the mech states as it pulls out a glowing sword. “Raging Falchion!? If this robot starts slicing and dicing with some sort of flaming French Ginsu, I just know someone’s gonna try to find a way to pin this on me! Only one thing to do!” Kidpool says as he reaches for a large red button marked “Danger.” “CONTROL MODULE DISENGAGED.” Kidpool has triggered the escape procedures and he and Dogpool are safely blasted clear of the melee in the control module. “See ya, suckers!”

Sometime later…
The army has found the crashed and abandoned control module on a nearby beach. “Jet Falchion stopped its attack as soon as the control module jettisoned, but I want the person responsible found and brought to justice. We’re dealing with a dangerous mind here! We don’t want someone like this free and wandering the streets!”

Kidpool is free and wandering the streets, “That’s it, Dogpool! I’m done with mischief and mayhem! I mean, if other kids don’t like me for who I am, that’s their problem!” Dogpool voices his agreement “Rraff!”

Kidpool hears something and motions Dogpool to sidle up to the wall so they can listen, “Hey… hold on a second…” A voice carries from around the corner “This is awesome!” Kidpool peers around; it’s the neighborhood kids from before standing around a new arrival. “A pet iguana! That’s the best!” “Lizards are so much cooler than robots!” While the tail of a helicopter sticks out of a smoking hole in a nearby building, Kidpool spins around and exclaims, “Lizards, huh? C’mon Dogpool! Next stop… the Savage Land!

(2nd story)
The West Village, New York. Lady Deadpool is slouched onto a table, drinking whiskey and cough syrup, while trying to convince Headpool to kill himself. “The way I see it, it’s the Sword of Damocles, what we do, man, but you, you’re dead weight. You’re an upturned vase with ears. You can’t fight.” Headpool bounces over to her, challenging her to try to kill him with his usual charm. Lady Deadpool picks up her knife and begins describing how she would ensure he stays dead, before coming to the realization that Headpool can’t kill himself, as he has no thumbs. Headpool responds to this by claiming to be the love of her life.

“Ahem,” a third party interrupts, drawing their attention. It is a professionally dressed woman in her thirties and Lady Deadpool and Headpool are not in some dive bar but are instead in an office - her office. She asks the two of them why they think they are there. While Headpool claims to have no idea, Lady Deadpool ignores her and instead engages in a conversation with the voices in her head, claiming to herself to be far more attractive than the woman is.

(flashback, the previous week)
Outside a large office block, lit with floodlights, where a “super-sensitive, high-risk mission” is taking place. Lady Deadpool is berating Headpool for claiming that, as the only woman in Deadpool Corps, she is therefore the lowest in the group pecking order. She points out that, as he is only a head, he has no identifiable gender anyway. Over the radio a voice calls for aid from Wanda, before it is cut off as the entire building explodes.

The woman reads from her notes, stating that Deadpool is deeply concerned and ,that unless the two of them resolve their issues, they will be kicked out of Deadpool Corps. Asking them how this makes them feel, the therapist looks up to see Headpool coaching Lady Deadpool on blowing a bubble with some gum and simultaneously filling it with the whiskey. The therapist then lay out her theory for the hostility between the two. “Have you considered that the friction between you is simply sexual tension?” The bubble bursts. Lady Deadpool reacts, grabbing her knife again and holding it to Headpool’s temple and shouting, “Did you put her up to this?” Headpool denies this, telling her to face up to the fact that she is infatuated with him.

Flashback to a jungle, Lady Deadpool is in green camo gear and aiming a rocket launcher right at Headpool as he argues with her. “I dare you! Do it! You’re Cuhraaaazy if you think they’d be as scrumptious 365 days a year. The Girl Scouts have to withhold, it’s Keynesian economics! Why are you so dumb?!”

Another flashback, another argument, this time Lady Deadpool is scaling the side of a building with a rope, wearing ninja gear while Headpool sits in a pouch on her utility belt. This time she is lecturing him “Screw the last tour… Mr. Armstrong is the most best specimen of virile fortitude and holistic amazingness known to nad cancer…” She then sticks her club into his mouth to stop him replying and states it is time for him to get out i.e. she’s going to drop him.

Back in the therapist’s office, Lady Deadpool claims to have no idea what she’s talking about, but after Headpool calls her a liar she admits there was this one time…

Deadpool Corps are at a very fancy bar, the men are in tuxedos and the women (including Lady Deadpool) are in ballgowns. Deadpool and Kidpool are passed out drunk on the floor, while Headpool sits in a top hat on the bar counter, talking with Lady Deadpool sitting listening attentively. “Look, I know I’m not puuuuuuurfeck. My left ear hangs lower than my right, right? But I’m a great judge of character… I just want a complicate woman with a smokin’ bod… I’m damaged. I know I’m crazy, everyone is. And that’s okay. At least it is by me.” His words resonate with Lady Deadpool, who, realizing this, quickly makes for the bathroom.

In the bathroom, Lady Deadpool dunks her head into a sink full of water, while the other women look on with disgust. Lady Deadpool looks at herself in the mirror, pulls out her knife and begins trying to threaten herself from thinking the thought that had popped into her head. Her inner voices, however, are keen to discuss this notion, one desiring to keep Headpool calling him special, and the other repulsed by the very idea. Lady Deadpool begins voicing a pro/con list, while her inner voices mock her. As a response, she sticks herself in the leg with her knife and then hassles the toilet attendant.

The following morning, Lady Deadpool wakes up in bed, dressed in a unicorn costume and surrounded by a birthday cake, tacos, a whip and a saddle. Feeling warmth next her, Lady Deadpool begins to panic as to who it might be. Peering under the covers reveals “a completely random petri dish of crackhead” she’s never met and leads to a triumphant solo dance party. Her sensible inner voice recommends that she goes to the sexual health clinic to get checked out instead.

Back in the therapist’s office, Lady Deadpool has been cutting herself while recounting this anecdote, drawing a rocket ship in her forearm and ends by saying “The fancy was fleeting. I know Headpool and I have a complicated relationship…” Headpool interrupts “Don’t deny it, lover. We’re besotted all up in each other. I just want a respectable but fair dowry… And the understanding that, of course, I will be engaging in extramarital loin wrangling with the option of taking on an additional younger bride should the mood strike and many mistresses.”

Following his train of thought Headpool turns to the therapist and bounces over “I’m looking to diversify immediately, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.” The therapist is not keen on this idea, pushing him away from her. Lady Deadpool, however, is warming to it. “Not a bad idea. It could work if it was a polygamous situation. Variety spice… I could use the female companionship. We could talk. Undermine each other. Exfoliate and foliate. Ooooh, we could go to yoga and watch romcoms… Just love a romcom.”

The therapist tries to change the conversation, claiming the session is coming to an end. Headpool persists, only to be rebuffed more vehemently by the therapist, who has had enough of the pair of them. Neither Headpool nor Lady Deadpool take kindly to this rejection. Lady Deadpool draws her sword from behind her back, while the therapist tries to calm them both down, but also drawing a gun out from under her desk. The therapist snaps, screaming “Sit down now! I’ve been listening to you bitch and moan while you bleed all over my things… you’re so crazy… so revolting! You’ll never learn. There are never any real consequences to your selfish actions for you and your kind.”

Headpool decides this outburst is due to hormones and dismisses the therapists rant as she continues to insult them, until she insults Deadpool and all his parallel universe versions. Headpool defends his “family,” causing Lady Deadpool to call him cute. Picking him up, the two engage in a gross deep kiss. With tongue. Lady Deadpool and the therapist immediately vomit and Headpool gets tossed into the air. Lady Deadpool turns to the therapist and blames her for the kiss, for allowing it to happen and for the resulting hours of intense therapy she’ll require as a result. Lady Deadpool pulls out her sword and advances on the now crying therapist.

Lady Deadpool emerges from the building, carrying and arguing with Headpool once again. Her sword is covered with blood, and a scrap of the therapist’s shirt is stuck to the end of it. Deadpool, Dogpool and Kidpool are lounging on top of a car and ask how it went. “Great” they both reply. “We’re fixed. Can we go get smoothies?” asks Lady Deadpool, as she uses the scrap of shirt to wipe away the blood from her sword. “Sure, we were just waiting on you two,” comes the reply. As the fivesome walk away, Lady Deadpool asks Wade if they all think she’s the lowest on the totem pole because she’s a girl. “Totally. Oh, and you’re paying, sucka!

(3rd story)
In Avengers Tower, Deadpool is being questioned by Captain America and Hawkeye about a recent mishap he had with an employee of the U.N., whom he confused with a cab driver.

Over in the corner of the room, Dogpool relieves himself on a decorative plant pot, unknowingly urinating on Ant-Man. An irate Scott Lang jumps out to confront Dogpool, stating that he was only hiding in the plant pot to avoid any responsibility, before discovering that his suit controls have been shorted out. Dogpool, however, grabs a knife and fork, as he sees his next meal. Ant-Man flees into the kitchen, shouting that Dogpool can’t eat him as he is an Avenger! Sort of. Further adding that he wants to die in bed with Vanessa Hudgens.

Cornered, he calls out for aid and is saved by a white blur that slams Dogpool into the kitchen cabinets. Sitting in front of Dogpool is a large, white purebred dog wearing a yellow cape. It’s Sunny, the Sentry Dog! Thanking Bendis, Ant-Man expositions his origin as the Sentry’s noble and heroic childhood pet who gained the powers of “1,000 exploding dog stars.”

Dogpool pops himself back into shape and hurls a drawer of knives at Sunny that effortlessly bounce off him, before hitting him in the face with a frying pan hard enough to dent the pan, although the only damage is to Dogpool’s teeth. Sunny punches Dogpool, launching him out of Avengers Tower and out to sea before giving chase. Soaring over Switzerland, Dogpool has an idea, conjures an anchor and crashes down into the CERN research facility in Geneva, swiftly followed by Sunny. As they lie dazed in the Hadron Collider, two researches exclaim in amazement over the dogs wearing costumes that just crashed through the roof. While one wishes to quickly remove them from the machine, the other wants to watch to see what happens and rebuts that other’s claim that it is dangerous and irresponsible by stating that “Zat is science!”

As they are debating, Dogpool slinks away and locks Sunny into the Hadron Collider before changing the settings dial from “Big Bang” to “???” and a picture of an explosion. Starting up the machine, an explosion indeed occurs and, in the aftermath, Sunny has been reduced to a puppy. Leering over him, Dogpool is suddenly tapped on the shoulder. Turning around, he is confronted by a huge, black mongrel of a dog. Introducing himself as Void Mutt, he thanks Dogpool for freeing him from inside Sunny and, as a thank you, promises him a slightly less excruciating death. Dogpool gulps as the picture shrinks into a circle behind a shutter. “That’s All Folks!”

(4th story)
Times Square
Deadpool is wandering in the rain, reflecting on the recent changes to New York. Now that the mayor has run out all the lowlifes and strip clubs, he no longer feels comfortable here; the city has lost its edge. Perhaps he should dress in a mouse suit and dance around on Broadway with the costumed street performers – nah, a shotgun blast to the face would be preferable.

The last few days haven’t been easy. His apartment blew up along with everything he owns. All he has left are a few trusty weapons and $200 or so. And his life. There are those he could ask for help, but panhandling has never been his style. Deadpool walks into a hardware store and buys a shovel and a pair of construction gloves. He’s still wearing his mask, but in New York no one cares. Hailing a cab, he directs it to Fort Lee, New Jersey over the George Washington Bridge. With the rain and the traffic, the journey will take a while and Deadpool’s thoughts drift back three years. Back to Sandee.

Flashback to three years ago in Wildwood at the Jersey Shore. It was Summer time and three thieves had made off with 4 million dollars from one of “The Donald’s” casinos. A big reward had been placed on their heads and Deadpool meant to claim it. It didn’t take long for him to get a tip on some guy throwing around a lot of crisp hundred dollar bills at a cheap strip joint called “The Crab Shack.” He later found out this amateur’s name was Jack Krush, a small-time thief in way over his head, but that doesn’t really matter. Their fight tumbled out of the bar and onto the boardwalk, and poor old Jack found himself flat on his back on the rollercoaster tracks, before finding himself in thirds. While onlookers screamed and vomited, Deadpool checked the trouser pockets on the bottom third. Finding only a bunch of $100s, he moved on to check the midsection and found in his shirt pocket a motel room key.

Scoping out the hotel, he found the remaining two baddies holed up in a room on the second floor with a young girl, maybe 15, who didn’t look like she wanted to be there. This is Sandee. Deadpool wanted to charge in guns blazing, but he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea so he had to get creative. Thirty minutes later, he was standing at their door with a pizza, his visage now disguised to that of a pizza delivery boy, who was happy to make a few extra bucks to scram. The crooks didn’t order a pizza but crime makes you hungry, this Deadpool knew, and they opened the door to take it. Deadpool clipped the shooting arm of the first goon but the second reacted fast and grabs Sandee to use as a shield.

Unfortunate but not unexpected. However, what happened next, he never would have expected in a million years. Sandee called out “Mom” and a gun is jabbed into his back! Now he’s the bad guy, imagine that! The mother shot him and he went down hard, and things kept getting worse. The standing robber panicked and started shooting, killing not only Sandee’s mother but his colleague as well as he struggled back to his feet. At this, the guy froze, giving Sandee the opportunity to rake his face with her nails and he panicked, charging forward towards the front door. He tripped over Deadpool, thug #1 and the mother in the process and his momentum carried him over the balcony to land face-first on the car below.

With Sandee’s help, Deadpool was able to grab the remaining money and get downstairs to her car. She drove him down to Cape May, and another motel and had him bandaged up before he regained consciousness. In so doing, she turned off his image inducer and, to his surprise, hadn’t freaked out. Tough girl. They spoke, or rather Deadpool spoke and she listened as he told her his life story, how he became a mercenary, the cancer, Dr. Killbrew’s experiments, his healing factor, all of it. He hoped it would help her, that if he could make it through all that she could make it through this. She didn’t say a word, but she smiled and his heart melted.

That’s when they heard it, right outside the room. The final robber was back, the fall hadn’t killed him and Deadpool hadn’t checked. He smashed in through the window and grabbed Deadpool, gun against his head before he started screaming at Sandee! “See what you did to your father?! Now your boyfriend’s gonna die!!” Her father! No wonder she was so screwed up. Sandee pleaded that it was a mistake, that she loved him and was just scared and asked her chance to prove it. Her father was won over, and passed her his gun. Sandee pointed it at Deadpool and winked. One shot, and this time daddy stays down. She collapsed in a heap and Deadpool resolved to help her.

Deadpool checked the bag and counted; he was around a million short. Putting two and two together he realized it was an inside job, an insurance scam by the casino to claim more was taken than actually was and be reimbursed accordingly. The robbers were never meant to be caught. Deadpool tipped off the insurance agency handling the case and they arrested the perpetrator at the casino. As a reward, Deadpool decided to keep the cash himself. For expenses.

Deadpool drove north to a psychiatric center. Highly regarded, he considered checking himself in for a year or seven but instead he left Sandee with the nuns in charge, paid for her care and left his phone number as her emergency contact. Sandee was so shell-shocked she didn’t even realize where she was. Deadpool hoped the change would set her on a new course, a new name, new home and new outlook on life. Instead, a week later, he gets a phone call. Sandee took her own life. Deadpool was her only next of kin. He took care of the details, made sure she had a proper place to rest. He left the rest of the money with her. It had too much blood and bad vibes connected to it now.

In the present day, Deadpool has arrived at his destination, a cemetery. He’s in a tough spot and has to do it. Sandee wouldn’t miss it, she would understand. He won’t let her down, they were family. Deadpool approaches a grave. “Sandee Wade 1983 – 2000.”

Characters Involved: 

(1st story)

General Conrad Davenport
US Army soldiers
Neighbourhood kids
Unnamed civilians

(2nd story)
Lady Deadpool
Deadpool, Dogpool, Kidpool (all Deadpool Corps)
Doomed therapist

Deadpool, Headpool, Kidpool, Lady Deadpool, 

(3rd story)
Sunny, the Sentry Dog

Void Mutt
Captain America, Deadpool, Hawkeye
Two CERN researchers

Sentry (mentioned only)

(4th story)


(in flashback/memories)
Sandee Wade
Sandee’s parents
Jack Krush
Unnamed third robber
Dr. Killbrew (mentioned only)

Story Notes: 

This issue (or at least the first three stories) must take place sometime during the Deadpool Corps series, though it’s hard to see where.

Kidpool is the Wade Wilson from Earth-10330, Dogpool is the Wade Wilson from Earth-103173, Headpool is the Wade Wilson from the Marvel Zombie universe Earth-2149, and Lady Deadpool is Wanda Wilson from Earth-3010.

Deadpool Corps are next seen in the Deadpool Kills Deadpool mini-series, which unsurprisingly sees the end of the team.

(1st story)
A falchion is a one-handed, single edged sword from Europe, somewhat reminiscent of a machete.

Gundam is a long running Japanese science fiction franchise that prominently feature giant mecha in a militaristic setting.

Ginsu is a brand of knives manufactured in the USA. They were forcefully marketed on television infomercials in the seventies and eighties.

(2nd story)
The Sword of Damocles refers to a moral anecdote created by the Greeks. In the 4th century Damocles was a sycophantic courtier in the court of the tyrant Dionysius II of Syracuse, Sicily. While pandering to Dionysius one day, Damocles exclaimed to him how fortunate the king was to be surrounded by such wealth and to have such power and authority. Dionysius offered to switch places with Damocles for a day so he too could know the feeling of such fortune. Damocles eagerly agreed and sat on the throne. Dionysius, however, arranged for a large sword to be hung over the throne and supported by a single hair from a horse’s tail. Damocles begged the king to be released from the agreement, realizing that with such power and authority also comes great danger and a sense of constant fear.

Every, year the Girl Scouts of the USA sell Girl Scout Cookies for a limited time as a fund raising effort for the organization, and have done since 1917. The most popular flavor is “Thin Mints.”

Keynesian economics are theories around how economic outputs are strongly influenced by aggregate demand. Basically, one way that supply correlates to demand. Headpool is stating that if Girl Scout Cookies were available all year ‘round, they would lose their allure so the GSotU do not manufacture as much as they possibly can, because there isn’t the market for it.

‘Mr. Armstrong’ refers to Lance Armstrong, an American road racing cyclist. The ‘Tour’ refers to the Tour de France, the most famous cycle race in the world. In 1996, he was diagnosed with testicular (‘nad’ being a slang term for testicle) cancer which he overcame. At the time this comic was published in 2011, Armstrong was under investigation for systematic doping by both the US federal government and USADA, the US Anti-Doping Agency. Armstrong eventually admitted doping in 2013.

(3rd story)
This is the only appearance of Sunny the Sentry Dog and Void Mutt.

There is only a single Dog Star, Sirius, and it lies in the constellation Canis Major (Greater Dog).

Vanessa Hudgens is an American actress who rose to fame in the High School Musical film series.

Bendis refers to long time Marvel writer Brian Michael Bendis.

CERN is the European Organization for Nuclear Research. The Hadron Collider is world's largest and most powerful particle collider and the largest machine in the world. It is used to test the predictions of different theories of particle physics, including measuring the properties of the Higgs boson and searching for the large family of new particles predicted by supersymmetric theories. It became famous when it was said it could be used to create microscopic black holes.

“That’s all Folks” is the famous sign off phrase from the Looney Tunes cartoons.

(4th story)
This story is written in the style of a noir detective thriller.

Based on the date on Sandee’s tombstone and that the flashback Deadpool reminisces about takes place three years prior, the “present day” bookends of this story can be set in 2003 and the flashback itself in summer 2000. The bookends could be placed between issues 45 and 46 of Deadpool (2nd series) shortly after the apartment he shared with Constrictor and a disguised Copycat was destroyed, though that story came out in 2000, when the flashback portions of the story are set, not the present day ones.

“The Donald” is an obvious reference to Donald Trump

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