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Skottie Young (writer), Guri Hiru (artist), Virtual Calligraphy’s Clayton Cowles (letterer), Skottie Young (cover artist), Chris Eliopoulos (variant cover artist), Tom Brennan (editor), Tom Breevort (executive editor), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (executive producer)
Captain Amerikid is tucked up for the night, when he discovers that Bucky Bear has vanished. He sees out his window to the street across the road, where Cyclops is boldly showing off that he has taken Bucky Bear. Captain Amerikid assembles the Mitey ‘Vengers while Cyclops summons all of the X-Men. A battle between the babies is entered for custody of Bucky Bear. It ends when Phoenix appears, very annoyed. There is an explosion and the next morning, Captain Amerikid has Bucky Bear tucked up in bed with him - but half the houses in the nighborhood are missing roofs and walls!
Marvelous Meadows in the early hours of night. The streets are dark, save for the glow of lights from the houses. At one particular star-spangled house on the corner of Fury Drive and Xavier Way, in a baby’s bedroom, two parents stand over their child’s crib. ‘Goodnight, Steve. Mommy and Daddy love you’ one of the parents tells their son. When they leave the room, the baby, Steve, sits up and turns to his stuffed toys dressed in various army attire: ‘Goodnight, Private Bear, Goodnight, Sergeant Bear, Goodnight General Bear, Goodnight, B-’ Steve utters when suddenly, a look of horror spreads across the baby’s face: ‘Bucky Bear? Where’s Bucky Bear?’ he shouts. He turns to his window when he hears something thrown against it. ‘What was that?’ baby Steve wonders. The baby picks up a pair of binoculars and looks out his window, to the street across the road, where a baby with ruby-quartz glasses is holding up a stuffed toy and looking very pleased with himself. ‘Bucky Bear!’ baby Steve shouts.
Baby Steve turns to the stuffed bears and tells them that he doesn’t know how this happened, but that he won’t leave a man behind. ‘I just need to assess the situation and put together a strategy -’ he begins, before turning back to the window, ‘HEY?!’ he shouts. ‘Where did you go, Summers?’ Steve calls out, as the boy across the road has vanished. Suddenly, he re-appears, in costume, grinning and waving as he holds Bucky Bear. ‘Oh, that’s how you want to play it?’ baby Steve declares as he starts to dress into his own costume. ‘Then let’s do this’ he announces, before picking up his baby monitor and shouting ‘AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!’ and then leaping out of his cot - Captain Amerikid is ready for action!
Elsewhere in the neighborhood, other babies are getting ready. In his cot, Iron Ace sits there as tendrils drop down and puts his armor on. Black Widow stands up with her water pistols. Hawkey perches on the barrier of his crib, as Thunderson leaps over his own. And a small baby boy utters ‘Uh-oh’ as he transforms into the Hulk, almost bursting out of his crib.
From a swimming pool, the SHIELD Helicarier rises, and inside, Hulk, Black Widow, Thunderson, Iron Ace and Hawkey watch as Captain Amerikid instructs Nick Fury to bring in anyone who isn’t grounded or down with the chicken pox. ‘We’re going to kick some X-butt and bring Bucky Bear back home!’ he declares. ‘You got it, Cap’ Nick Fury with a star-shaped patch over one eye replies. ‘Let’s see what you got, Cyclops’ Captain Amerikid snarls.
Out in the middle of the street, Cyclops stands and holds Bucky Bear, ‘X-Men, it’s time to come out here and fight with the Avengers and stuff!’ he shouts, before deciding that they really need to work on their own battle cry. So, this time he shouts ‘I think I hear the ice cream truck!’ Suddenly, Cyclops is surrounded by other X-Babies: Cable, Iceman, Shower, Colossusus, Polaris, Beastie, Angel, Boyo, Creepy Crawler, Pixie, Emma Frost, Hope, Warpath and Namor as well as the Black Panther. ‘Ice cream?’ one of them asks. ‘Where?’ another enquires. ‘I want tutti fruity!’ one of them exclaims, while baby Hope reaches for Bucky Bear. ‘My butt’s itchy’ another mutters. ‘Hi, guys!’ one of them calls out, while another asks ‘What time is it?’ Cyclops frowns, before he grins wickedly and exclaims ‘Let’s have some fun!’
And soon, the battle is joined by many others! Nick Fury commands the Helicarrier overhead, while Thunderson rides Beta Ray Bill down into the battle. Doctor Strange hovers overhead, as the Black Widow sits on the shoulders of the Hulk, and Captain Marvel follows them down the sidewalk. Captain Britain punches Angel to the ground, while Big Boy lumbers down the street, with Ms Marvel on his shoulder and Daredevil clings to his side, as Armor appears to confront him. Iron Ace fires a blast of energy, striking Northstar, as Polaris looks on in shock, while Spider-Woman drops from the air, and Iron Fist and Wolvie run towards each other. Hawkey fires an arrow which strikes the screaming Boyo in his forehead, and Dazzler stands nearby, singing. Several other arrows have knocked back Beastie. Spider-Man drops down on some webbing and traps Colossusus, Hope, Namor and Longshot, while Pixie manages to escape.
The Scarlet Witch starts to cast a spell, but Forge fires his water pistol at her, causing the Vision to rush towards Forge. Captain Amerikid moves through the battle with purpose towards Cyclops, who is still holding Bucky Bear, and Shower, who hovers over him. Bishop and Luke Cage throw each other to the ground and start to tussle, Gambit holds up some cards towards Mockingbird, but she turns her back to him, unimpressed. Havok and Psylocke chase after Quicksilver as Creepy Crawler teleports overhead, and Sunfire stands on the sidewalk, near the Power household. Lightspeed flies alongside her siblings, Zero-G, Energizer and Mass Master, in his cloud form, who are riding in a small cart, and looking shocked at the behavior of their neighbors. ‘Eat eye laser, Cub Scout!’ Cyclops shouts at Captain Amerikid, who blocks the energy blast with his shield. ‘Nice try, Scottie Snottie!’ Captain Amerikid replies as he goes over to Scottie and smacks him in the head, causing Bucky Bear to go flying into the air. ‘That was much easier than I expected’ Captain Amerikid remarks as he chases after the stuffed bear.
Angel tussles with Spider-Woman in the air, while Hawkey fires an arrow which strikes Creep Crawler in the head, knocking him back. As Dazzler and the Scarlet Witch confront each other, Hope points into the air, where Iceman has appeared on an ice-sled, and yanked Bucky Bear out of Captain Amerikid’s hands. ‘NOOOO!’ Captain Amerikid screams. ‘I got it! Look guys! I got the bear!’ Iceman grins, as Polaris and Daredevil approach each other. Suddenly, ‘Huh?’ baby Iceman remarks, wide-eyed, as Iron Ace flies down, right through the ice-sled, causing the crying Iceman to fall to the ground and sending Bucky Bear out of Iceman’s arms. ‘I got him, Cap. Let’s go ho-’ Iron Ace calls out as Sunfire, Emma and the Thing look up at him. Suddenly, ‘Hey! This is crossing the line of appropriate behavior, right?’ Iron Ace calls out as baby Magneto appears, stripping away some of Iron Ace’s armor, and pulling the bear towards himself.
‘Come to me, bear. I will bring this futile battle to its end’ Magneto boasts, unaware that Thunderson is behind him, twirling his hammer, ‘Thou art not’th gonna end’th nuttin’th’ Thunderson exclaims, grinning, tossing the hammer, knocking Buck Bear out of Magneto’s arms and sending it crashing past Psylocke, into the roof of a nearby house. Wolvie is the first in there, ‘It’s okay, bubby! I found it!’ he calls out as he tries to pull the hammer off of Bucky Bear. Nearby, some stuffed toys - Lockheed, Rocket Raccoon, Lockjaw and Frog-Thor are lying. ‘There is no reason for anything to be this heavy’ Wolvie mutters. ‘Puuuny mutant’ a voice calls out, and Wolvie looks up, ‘Who’s calling me puny?’ Wolvie asks, as the Hulk bursts towards him, sending toy blocks flying around the room. ‘I’ll show you puny, bub!’ Wolvie snarls at the Hulk. The Hulk grabs Wolvie and pulls him up towards him, causing Wolvie to lash out at Hulk, scratching his face. ‘Hulk HURT!’ the Hulk shouts, throwing Wolvie through the roof, higher and higher Wolvie cries as he arrives in deep space. He frowns, ‘That’s just… weird’ Wolvie remarks as he sees the Silver Surfer flying nearby, where Galactus is sucking on the moon as if it was a bottle of milk.
Back down below: ‘Hulk like bear. Him keep bear forever’ the Hulk smiles as he holds Bucky Bear. Suddenly, there is a rumbling at Hulk’s feet, and he wonders why the hammer is starting to move fast towards his face. Indeed, the hammer pushes Hulk back out into the battle, where he lands against the Red Hulk and drops the Bucky Bear into the battle, where Forge is firing his water pistol at Iron Fist. Boyo screams at Captain Britain, while Luke Cage grabs the bear, and tussles with Colossusus. Captain Marvel pulls a face at Pixie as Iceman slides by. Cable rides on Armor’s force field, while Spider-Woman fires a blast upwards. Namor rides a wave of water, and one of Hawkey’s arrows accidentally strikes Spider-Man, just as one his web-blasts hits Hawkey in the face. Beta Ray Bill flies past, as Havok releases some energy, and Bucky Bear goes flying through the battle - but Quicksilver sees the bear and he races past Thing and Sunfire, causing Sunfire to twirl around in a circle. Northstar puts his foot out to trip Quicksilver up, while Mockingbird grins as she rides on Longshot’s shoulders, and Emma Frost and the Black Widow pull each other’s hair.
Shower and the Black Panther are sitting on some steps nearby, looking into each other’s eyes, when suddenly, ‘Sorry, I didn’t see you there’ Daredevil claims as he is blasted towards them by Cyclops. Daredevil has the bear - for now, as it soon foes flying towards Gambit, who is throwing some cards at Dr Strange and Ms Marvel. Suddenly, ‘Hey guys, what’s that?’ Beastie asks as he stands nearby Big Boy and Polaris and points into the sky. Cyclops has once again taken possession of Bucky Bear, and standing near him are Northstar, Hope, Warpath and Bishop ‘It kind looks like…’ Cylcops begins as they look up into the sky, where something - or someone - lands with a mighty BOOM in the middle of them all. ‘…Wolverine’ Cyclops concludes as Wolvie drags himself out of the impact hole, ‘You guys are… in… big…trouble’ Wolvie utters. ‘Oh, great. Look what you got us into now, dummy head’ Captain Amerikid tells Cyclops, as Jean Grey, the Phoenix hovers over them, looking very unimpressed.
‘No way! I’m not giving it back. He has to get it himself!’ Cyclops calls out, clinging to Buck Bear. Jean raises her hands and looks down menacingly. Baby Cyclops gulps and looks sad, before there is an explosion in the middle of the street, followed by a blinding light.
The next morning: ‘Honey, something’s wrong in the baby’s room’ Steve’s mother calls out as she stands over her son’s crib. Captain Amerikid is in his crib, Bucky Bear is tucked up with him. ‘What the -’ his father calls out as he enters the room, only to find half of the house blown apart - and looking out into the neighborhood, where several other houses are in a similar state of disrepair.
Angel, Armor, Beastie, Bishop, Boyo, Cable, Colossusus, Creepy Crawler, Cyclops, Dazzler, Forge, Emma Frost, Gambit, Havok, Hope, Iceman, Longshot, Magneto, Namor, Northstar, Phoenix, Pixie, Polaris, Psylocke, Shower, Sunfire, Warpath, Wolvie (all X-Babies)
Beta Ray Bill, Big Boy, Black Panther, Black Widow, Luke Cage, Captain Amerikid, Captain Britain, Captain Marvel, Daredevil, Nick Fury, Hawkey, Hulk, Iron Ace, Iron Fist, Mockingbird, Ms Marvel, Quicksilver, Red Hulk, Scarlet Witch, Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Thing, Thunderson, Vision (all Mitey ‘Vengers)
Energizer, Lightspeed, Mass Master, Zero-G (all Power Pack)
Captain Amerikid’s parents
This one-shot is spoofing the Avengers vs. X-Men crossover.